My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My dick has a subreddit
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
