I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
