I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
