Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
