Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
