So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
