where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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