I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
