Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this boner is exhausting
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
