Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
