you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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