I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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