I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
