so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
