walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I touched a dick in church today
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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