walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
