saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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