i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
