The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just had sex on a roof
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
