I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
