I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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