Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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