Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
