Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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