so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
