I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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