Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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