I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
