Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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