I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
