Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
