Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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