Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
