Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Randomize
