I met the friendliest cop last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
