Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
