My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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