Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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