can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My hand turned me down
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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