I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
