She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
