i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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