Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
