i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
