This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
