I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
