i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
