Im at strip club and am horny
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
