we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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