If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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