Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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