woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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