I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
